Turning Red: Breaking Generational Chains
I felt so many emotions watching Turning Red. It was right on time. Released during Woman's History month was the cherry on top; They were intentional with this one. For me, it was very empowering yet freeing.
Oh' to be a girl and to live up to the expectations of our parents, friends, and family all while neglecting who we are and or accepting who we are and want to be in the same breath. Why does it have to be complicated?
Mei Lee was faced with peer pressure, living up to the expectations of her friends and what they thought about her as she shifted in her journey, and the obligation to fulfill a void and or a need to meet the expectations of her mother. She was being judged.
I can't imagine what her mother and mother's mother went through growing up—the pressure of being. The pressure of passing down traditions yet subscribing to our happiness should not come with sacrifice. I saw my mother in her mom, my grandmother in her mother's mother, and me in Mei Lee. It reminded me of my mom and her need to impress her mother and when things didn't go as she planned, she would say, "Oh I can imagine what my mother will say about this, I am so embarrassed," as if she knew she would be letting her down. Who's to say that their way was the right way? Who's to say they would have judged her mistakes? Her fear of being judged kept her from being vulnerable and sharing her truth. What if she would have responded with a lesson of her own that she experienced when she was a child? It was a burden that she carried unnecessarily. I wish she could have known that she was not alone or dared to speak her truth. I wish she could have known how much her mother was proud of her and loved her in a way that could make her soul smile for eternity.
I wished my grandmother would have paused to say all the things that were hidden in her heart before taking her last breath so that my mother could know just how proud of her she truly was. They were hiding from traditions that kept them from connecting with the spirit of the lessons of their ancestors. When Mei Lee's Grandmother embraced her mother before transitioning back and told her all the things she wanted to hear for so long, that’s where I lost it. It was beautiful.
I wished this for my mother because that's what I wanted growing up, for my mother to tell me that she was proud of me and that she loved me. Being wise, the first to graduate from college was not enough to get praises that I sought after as a child. It was not until I wrote about it in my "Living a Life of Love" chapter in the No More Chains; Succeeding against the odds book anthology and sharing my thoughts and feelings with my mother that we could break the generational chain with us. It was not until I read my chapter to my mother that she genuinely listened to me and shared how much she loved me and how proud she has always been. If you were close, you would have heard the armor around my heart shatter.
So glad I wasn't afraid to be vulnerable anymore; I grew past that fear. I am not scared to stand up for myself in relationships of all kinds and speak my peace. Those that are for me will continue to be by my side. I have removed myself from friends and family members who did not welcome and accept who I was while honoring me. I can no longer live in a way that only serves them. I no longer associate with those who did not accept my shine! It was hard, but I learned that NO was a complete sentence, and if circumstances removed the smile from my heart and face, I wasn't afraid to release them.
I am grateful that I can celebrate the pieces of my mother in me; she is my SHERO in many ways. Her resilience, strength, compassion, love for her family, and, more importantly, how she made blending families look so easy. Her way of raising her kids may not be my way. She passed down what was passed down to her mother and made her own tweaks, and that is okay. I made my own choice to be different. I no longer feel the pressure to cook or clean like her, it's just who I am. By the way, she loves my cooking and the relationship I have with my family, especially how I am with my three sons. I am not afraid to be who I am spiritually, as I am divinely connected to my ancestors and the traditions of my people. Being a Reiki Master Teacher comes with significant responsibilities. I can't sweat the small things. Glad I dared to step out of the box and speak up for my truth and be who I AM.
I compliment and call my mother in every Ah' Ha Moment of growth I get that reminds me of her. My grandmothers, mother, and all of the plentiful women along my path taught me that, I am sure of it.
We all may not live up to anyone's expectations, and it's okay. As a CEO MOMprenuer, mother of 3 boys, and wife, my friendships have changed and I am OK with it. What I know for sure; is that your friends will continue to be by your side in every journey you experience, no matter your titles or the rooms you enter, even if you shine differently. And you don't need to speak with them regularly for them to know you have their back & vice versa. I can't and don't want to please everyone. We also need to free that part of us where we feel the need to hide our mistakes, hide who we are or where we fall short, something I like to refer to as lessons. If you fall, get up and stand tall, master the assignment, and make room to be the student. Stop making agreements with them and their expectations. If we don't share, how would we grow from the lessons or gain knowledge of an elder or a mere stranger on ways to get to the other side? We would be living in fear of judgment for the rest of our lives.
Turning Red was not just for little girls or boys to watch; it's a way to get in touch with our younger selves, to heal those eras where we thought we fell short and truly heal by forgiving ourselves, more importantly, managing the expectations of our parents. They could only give us what was given to them. Meet them where they are. Don't be afraid to BECOME or acknowledge the best pieces of you that are amazing. Sometimes we have to go back and teach them that it will be okay because they may have never had anyone to tell them it would be. Your true friends will celebrate you every step of the way for you just being you.
Those people that you put on a high pedestal need to exchange places with you. Stop being afraid to RISE to the top or in fear of free-falling. Don't compare yourself or think you fall short. I believe the genuine fear is letting the secret out, being just as powerful. I celebrate the rooms we enter and the doors that close, our lives we have impacted, and all we are.
Say it with me, "I am a woman, Phenomenal women, That's me."
To all the "Mei Lees" of the world, You Got This. Her mom said, "I see you, don't hold back. The farther you go, the prouder I'll be." That brings me to tears. We all need to hear it. Let's say it together in the mirror. "I see you, don't hold back. The farther you go, the prouder I'll be". Uncertainty is okay. Break those generational Chains, and don't be afraid to be all that you are. Stop playing tug of war with who you are and trying to meet the expectations of others. Know that you shine brightly as you are. We all will grow and tweak a few things along the way. Choose yourself every step of the way. Those that love you, will continue. Meet your own expectations, your opinion is the only approval you'll ever need anyway! Don't let society write your journey; God has already written it. Get aligned with the purpose that was created for YOU, not them.
